Divine Grace

It was just one week ago that I sat

  with the Cardiac Surgeon, stunned.

  'You have to have heart surgery, soon.'

And, just in case my desire to deny

  this reality overtakes my judgment,

  my heart provides constant reminders.

The new symptoms present even before

  I have adjusted to the old symptoms, or

  integrated accommodations into my lifestyle. 

The events of the last month have cast me

  in the role of constantly chasing to catch up

  with a reality that is unfolding with authority,

  determination, precision and an unyielding intent.

I am trying to adjust, to prepare, to make plans.

  But the heart, indifferent to the plans, marches on.

  Tears of exhaustion, pain, frustration, confusion, grief.

Then, the loving, gentle voice in the chaos.

  'You are resisting.  You are trying to control

  that which is beyond you.  Let go, completely.'

All day, that voice captured my heart and soul.

  In conversation, gasping for breath, feeling dizzy...

  Through it all, the loving, quiet yet persistent counsel.

  'Release, surrender all of you, totally and without reserve.'

'Trust in the unfolding.  Allow.  Witness.  Revel.

  For this is a sacred time, a time in which Spirit

  is fully present, intentionally engaged, ever loving.'

I hear.

  I hear you.

  I am listening.

And the tears flowed,

 in reaction to the awareness that 'this really is real';

 in response to the love and compassion shown by so many;

 in release of control, the need to understand, everything, to Spirit;

 in gratitude for the profound learning offered for my development;

 because I am so tired; and 

 in anticipation of whatever is so important that it requires
   that this major cleansing occur with such haste.

I am understanding healing at profound level.

  Healing the physical heart is just the beginning.

  Healing spans the ages, weaves through physical, 

  emotional, intellectual, and reaches to the heavens.  

It is Spirit, 

  animating this flesh, 

  surging through this life 

  with a force and intention

  we can only start to envision,

  but never really comprehend.

It is the All, fully present, always engaged, forever love, eternal, ALL.

I am in awe, in love, 

  profoundly grateful, 

  stunned by the magnificence, 

  humbled by this thing of which I am a part.

And to this, I submit my all.  

  I surrender my being.

I ask for the courage, peace and wisdom

  to let my self fall, 

  completely and without reserve,

  into Divine Grace.