Defining Moments

I am struck lately with the presence of certain moments.
  These moments stand apart from all others in our lives.
  Their resolve to be recognized is absolute, unwavering.

These moments change lives, turn us inside out, 
  leave us breathless or crushed or astonished or...
  They ask us to wake up, pay attention, closely.

They seem as harbingers of a new day dawning.
  They are an instrument of our souls beckoning
  us inward into stillness, into keen wakefulness.

Therein, we are endowed with gifts styled for that moment.
  We are offered the perfect measure of everything we need.
  And the chisel will be set to the stone, creating us de novo.

We are never finished being born.

And, the moment, that precious, elusive, wondrous moment
  is the vessel, ingredients and the alchemy of our unfolding.
  These are the defining moments, the gifts offered to us all.

Surface Reflections

My contemplation these last months
  has been to witness all that emerges
  from within regarding my failing heart.

Many different emotions have surfaced.
  As children, they clamor for my attention.
  They want to be acknowledged and honored.

They want me to know them, to touch them.
  'Look at me!' they plead. 'Look at me, please!
  I am real.  I have substance.  I am important!'

'Please don't denounce me as unworthy or foul.
  Look upon me and see a reflection of your self.
  Hold me closely. Know my depths and expanse.'

'Experience me as a lover, child, teacher.
  Don't obscure me with the inane chatter
  of your highly-educated, benighted mind.'

'Quiet your mind and witness me, just me.
  Strip away the attachments, the judgments,
  and see me, unadultered, naked, remarkable.'

'I simply am. I exist. I am worthy. I am you.
  I am anger. I am sadness. I am joy. I am you.
  I am concern. I am fear. I am gratitude. I am you.'

'I ask your undivided attention.  I show you me.
  Thankful, reassured, elated when you honor me,
  I return to the eternal resevoir of tranquility in you.'

I want to allow and honor these many emotions
  because they show me who I am in this passing.
  They rise and fall, surge and swell as ocean waves.

And beneath them all, there flows a reservoir,
  deep beyond imagination, expanding to forever,
  of tranquility, the peace that passes understanding.

It is the source of all knowing, all being, all.
  You are its progeny, its beloved, its promise.
  It is the wellspring of hope, grace, compassion.

And, it flows through your being, is of you.
  Tranquil amidst storms raging in your heart.
  Offering sanctuary, serenity, harmony, always.

Allow the emotions, honor them, love them.
  Watch them melt into the reservoir of peace.
  Feel the eternal love that is in you, that is you.

Anger

I feel angry this morning.

Having procrastinated until the last moment,
  I now must ensure my last will and testament
  is complete so that I can show it to my children.

The child in me wants to jump up and down,
  tear into God about the insanity of this journey,
  question, challenge, denounce the reality-unfolding.

I do not want to make these judgments
  of life and death, of medical interventions,
  of division and distribution of my belongings.

I do not want to be in this place!

Angry tears burn my face.
  Fury explodes in my heart.

And still, the decisions must be made.
  For I will not give my children this task.
  I will not set upon them terrible decisions.

Quiet, witnessing, allowing...

The anger washes through my heart,
  spills upon the pages and slips away.
  Acceptance and resolve take its place.

And, so it is.

It Really Is 'All About Me'

In the full throes of her awkward, impertinent adolescence,
  my daughter boldly wore a t-shirt, loudly proclaiming,
  'It's all about me!'

Us older and more mature adults looked on smuggly.
  'It is all about her,' we smiled in our befuddled wisdom.
  And, we tiptoed around her audacious, immature call-to-self.

25-years later, I realize that, my child, 
  in the freshness of her life on this planet,
  innately understood a fundamental fact of life.

It really is all about her...and me...and you...
  We are born to this world to explore our lives,
  to learn, to witness, to feel, to grow, to offer, to live.

We can't change circumstances into which we were born.
  Things happen in life that we didn't create, but deeply feel.
  And, despite our valient efforts, we really can't change another.

We can, however, decide how we will live,
  in the circumstances into which we were born,
  through the things that happen during our lives.

Therein lie the gifts, the opportunities, the blessings
  endowed to us, created and offered for our ascendance.
  And always, we get to decide how we will answer the call.

The ascendance happens one person at a time,
  concerns one soul gifted with life upon this earth,
  is designed to craft the opportunities for her growth.

The changes, the real changes, the important changes,
  are those made inside ourselves, those that permeate us,
  and, through our living, spill from us to the life around us.

This life-practice of introspection, cleansing and growth
  creates abundance in our hearts that then overflows into
  all that we touch, everything we do, each person we touch.

This is such a hard lesson to learn, though.
  It's so much easier to force change on another
  than to face and make the change required of self.

So easy is it to fall into the trap of other-focus,
  to smile smuggly at those who are less evolved,
  to strive toward their awakenings, even as we sleep.

Liberate from your closet your old 'It's about me' t-shirt.
  Adorn yourself with it and boldly face your day, your self.
  Search within to find your wonderous, enigmatic embodied-soul.

Settle into your own journey to ascendance.
  Seek, cleanse, clear, grow, learn, witness, be.
  And remember,

It really is all about you.

It Is Just Enough

54 years and 4 months.  19,831 days.
  All these days, I have walked this sacred path.
  All these days, I have been gifted on this journey.

It is just enough.

I am so profoundly grateful,
  for every moment, every breath,
  for every smile, every tear, even fear.

It is just enough.

I accept the rising sun, my birth,
  and the setting moon, my quietus,
  and the star reborn, my transfiguration.

It is just enough.

I am at peace with what may come.
  I live, aware, witnessing, experiencing,
  reaching out and up and beyond to the All.

It Is
Just
Enough

Just Feel

In my meditation, a deep feeling of sadness permeated my being.
  It felt as if I had entered Briar Rabbit's burrow, far beneath the earth.
  Dark hollows.  The only sound, the crackle of brambles upon which I tread.

There was no fear in this place, no angst nor apprehension,
  no other emotions, in fact, aside from this profound sadness.
  I watched the sadness engulf my heart and spill from my eyes.

I recognized at once, the trigger, an unexpected call from a friend.
  'But, what is this sadness,' I pondered.  'From where does it come?'
  I searched the happenings, both recent and past, to discover its origin.

But, I could find none, not one that stood alone to claim title and deed.
  Struck by the depth of the sadness, I sought a friend with whom to talk.
  Each possible account I explored seemed wrong, off the mark, nihil ad rem.

The feeling lingers still, an eternal candle burning in my soul.
  It occurs to me now that its apparent inscrutability is purposeful.
  Perhaps understanding is not the point at all, is in fact, nihil ad rem.

My mind relaxes its grip on its pursuit of knowledge.
  I re-orient my attention to quietly witness life unfolding.
  This morning, I am drawn to the wolf sitting upon my altar.

It howls to the moon an aria of melancholy and sorrow.
  It sits, a solitary dark silhouette in the brilliant moonlight.
  Its heartfelt song fills the land, my heart, through the night.

Transfixed by the song, a tear escapes, another follows.
  I feel.  I simply feel the depths of the sadness, the hollows.
  And perhaps that's all, that is everything, I'm supposed to do.

It Is Final

Suddenly struck with a profound feeling of sadness.

Regardless of the new soul journeys awaiting me,
  sadness suffuses my being with the passing of this life.
  I feel immense sorrow in leaving this place, this existence.

The people, the undone business, the intentions,
  my grandchildren, born and waiting to arrive,
  my children, the future we might have had...

A stroke denying me the ability to communicate
  feels also as a death to me, perhaps even worse.
  The grief leaves a bilious feeling throughout my being.

There is no coming back from death.
  It is final.

I want to face this possibility,
  to allow my responses to it,
  to honor all the feelings, fully.