For Michelle

My inspiration and my sister
sat before me, sobbing.
Life has not been kind to her
this last year.

We have held each other
through this year,
laughing together,
crying together,
helping each other.

And, each day we awoke
with the resolve to
step again into life.

'Money doesn't really mean much to me,' she smiles.
'I don't want a lot.  I just want a place to sleep,
and the opportunity to get my business going.'
'I don't want alms.  I just want to be able to support myself.'

I gaze into her tired, beautiful eyes
and touch a soul hurting, exhausted
from life on the streets, the neverending
question of survival surrounding her being like
a tournequet, squeezing the breath from her lungs.

Fortune in life, I am convinced, is NOT accorded by merit.
It is a gift, a blessing, for which we are largely not resposible.
Claiming 'deservedness' turns a blind eye to the gift and
robs one of the attendant gift of profound gratitude.

I pray for those gifts to be lavished on my dear sister.
I pray for her health and her soul...that Spirit gives
her whatever she needs to walk this path in life.

For all, I pray this.
And that we all can remember that,
all of it,
is a blessing
for which the only response is
profound gratitude.

Namaste, my dear sister.
I love you.

Don't Ever Let Me Forget

Don't let me ever forget.

Each moment
truly
is
a
blessing...

especially the hard ones.

It's not about what we deserve.
It is about what we are gifted.

It's all a gift.
All of it.
Enjoy
and pass it on!

Pregnant Pause

These are my thoughts unfolding...

Couched inbetween two worlds,
I yearn for the next even as I grieve the last.
Yet, right here I remain, in this pregnant moment.

Despite my discomfort,
I am fascinated by the universe at work.
I see reality taking shape at a subatomic level.
The trillion bits of potentiality dancing into form.

It's fascinating and awesome.
I am endeavoring to stay in this space
of wonder and awe as I watch my future unfold.

This in-between-space is precious.
And, I don't want to squander it
with trepidation or worriment.
---------------------------------------

The Kundalini has been strong of late,
surging through my body, exploding
from my crown chakra...

Yesterday, I was driving up from Corvallis.
I had the automatic speed set.
At the same exact moment,
the Kundalini exploded from my crown
and the truck surged forward...
as if the Kundalini powered both
the truck and my self.
It can do that.  I've witnessed it do such things before...

Just One Moment

The day after I got word,

I felt a toxic energetic sludge
stir within my body.
It moved heavily through
every cell, festering, deadening.

I hadn't noticed it before.
But, I was sure it didn't just
show up on that day.
No, it has been building all
this past year and a half.

I have been working so hard
to maintain my center, stay calm
in the eye of the storm, focus,
pay attention, care for my body...

Yet still...

It found its way in and settled,
coiled, dormant, looking, waiting
for just one opening to grow
into dis-ease.

I let myself fall into a healing space,
washing my body/mind/soul, purging
the venom, resting, allowing Spirit
to heal and renew.

These last days, I have been so very tired.
Aches arise throughout my body,
as if searching for a permanent home.
So, amidst packing and cleaning, I rest.

It occurs to me that the extreme stress
under which I have been living this
last year and a half has had an impact
on me, despite my efforts to stay healthy.

And, I think, once again, of those
less fortunate than me, who don't have
the wherewithal to eat healthy food,
or exercise, or sleep safely in a warm bed...

And, I see that their bodies and hearts
cannot fight the omnipresent scourge of
dis-ease.

So, those most vulnerable to life
are also most vulnerable to sickness,
pain, suffering...

I weep
I pray
I beg
for just one moment of peace
for all those who suffer at the hand
of life

just one moment, please...

We Will Walk

While at the movies with my grandson,

I received a call from a man whom I 

shall get to know well, offering me a job.

I had been listening for that call all day,

carrying my phone in my pocket,

the ill-fitting ear bud jammed into my ear.

Hearing nothing, I turned my focus to Kai.

My journey had taken me so far from him
these last months, and our long-overdue
Nanna/Baby date was finally underway!

So, hand-in-hand and loaded with

popcorn and candy, we entered the dark

theater and settled into our adventure of

good guys, bad guys, action and fantasy.

At the movie's end, cradling that little 

sleeping angel in my arms, I gingerly

turned on my cell phone and held my breath

as the voicemail sorted and shared.

Finally, he was there, his kind voice echoing

through my mind, his words barely audible

in the din of the closing movie, his intent clear,

my future opening...

God provides such wonderful miracles

with such impeccable timing...

little boy in arm, the words, 'we want you' 

dancing on my mind, lights dimmed,
credits rolling, music thundering...I cried.

The little boy-angel woke,

looked around and asked,

'Nanna, why are you hugging me?

The movie is over!'

'Come back to center, little one,' smiled the Creator.

My work for you is not yet complete.

We start now a new journey, one in which

you will create that for which I have been

preparing you all these many years.'

'Savor this moment.  Rest easy.

You are in my arms, even as you

cradle my child in yours.

Catch your breath, heal.'

'For, we have work to do.

We walk together into this future

I have crafted for you.'

'You will bring glory to My name

and rest to My people

through all you do.'

'I will not let you forget.'

'I have given you the experience

for the story that I now will draw

from your fingertips.'

'Open yourself, trust Me.

We will walk now.'