Settling into a New Reality

A week has passed.

The pieces are falling into place:
  the constant swollen ankles,
  the crushing of my heart during hot flashes,
  the constant tiredness,
  the pains in my chest when
    I walk too fast,
    climb stairs,
    lay down...

My heart is weak.

Oh my god!

Now the memories emerge,
  My mother battling for life after heart surgery.
  My father dying during the procedure
  to prepare him for heart surgery.
  My mother-in-law dying after heart surgery...

Oh my god!

This is real.
  This is really real.
  Oh my god!

Another hot flash,
  another constriction of the heart,
  the pain spreads through my chest.
  Oh my god!  This is really real!

There are stages in the grief process,
  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
  This is a normal process, one through which we all pass
  when life presents us with the unconcievable turned real.

I recognize them, have walked through them many times.
  I expect to journey through them again with this new reality.
  But, there is something fundamentally different this time.

I am aware of, can feel more regularly, the hand of God,
  a deep sense of peace, the strength of heart, an acceptance
  of this, the next stage in this journey of my soul on this plane.

Other memories flood my consciousness...
  The lessons my mother taught me take the fore of late.
  Facing death square on, she was given the choice to live or die.
  She chose to live, and without pause, lived every moment.
  My mother taught me how to live.

I am alive now.  I choose to live into every moment,
  I choose to be as fully present as I can, to reach for the stars,
  to dream the impossible, to seek opportunities to live into my purpose,
  to recognize and welcome wisdom, to love completely and purely.