Divine Grace

It was just one week ago that I sat

  with the Cardiac Surgeon, stunned.

  'You have to have heart surgery, soon.'

And, just in case my desire to deny

  this reality overtakes my judgment,

  my heart provides constant reminders.

The new symptoms present even before

  I have adjusted to the old symptoms, or

  integrated accommodations into my lifestyle. 

The events of the last month have cast me

  in the role of constantly chasing to catch up

  with a reality that is unfolding with authority,

  determination, precision and an unyielding intent.

I am trying to adjust, to prepare, to make plans.

  But the heart, indifferent to the plans, marches on.

  Tears of exhaustion, pain, frustration, confusion, grief.

Then, the loving, gentle voice in the chaos.

  'You are resisting.  You are trying to control

  that which is beyond you.  Let go, completely.'

All day, that voice captured my heart and soul.

  In conversation, gasping for breath, feeling dizzy...

  Through it all, the loving, quiet yet persistent counsel.

  'Release, surrender all of you, totally and without reserve.'

'Trust in the unfolding.  Allow.  Witness.  Revel.

  For this is a sacred time, a time in which Spirit

  is fully present, intentionally engaged, ever loving.'

I hear.

  I hear you.

  I am listening.

And the tears flowed,

 in reaction to the awareness that 'this really is real';

 in response to the love and compassion shown by so many;

 in release of control, the need to understand, everything, to Spirit;

 in gratitude for the profound learning offered for my development;

 because I am so tired; and 

 in anticipation of whatever is so important that it requires
   that this major cleansing occur with such haste.

I am understanding healing at profound level.

  Healing the physical heart is just the beginning.

  Healing spans the ages, weaves through physical, 

  emotional, intellectual, and reaches to the heavens.  

It is Spirit, 

  animating this flesh, 

  surging through this life 

  with a force and intention

  we can only start to envision,

  but never really comprehend.

It is the All, fully present, always engaged, forever love, eternal, ALL.

I am in awe, in love, 

  profoundly grateful, 

  stunned by the magnificence, 

  humbled by this thing of which I am a part.

And to this, I submit my all.  

  I surrender my being.

I ask for the courage, peace and wisdom

  to let my self fall, 

  completely and without reserve,

  into Divine Grace.

Transcendence

I so wanted everything to be okay.
  It was just a blip, a convergence of
  menopause stuff, a migraine, a virus...
  all of which disturbed an ailing heart.

But, it wasn't.

The heart valve is not well.
  And, its dysfunction is now
  affecting other organs, causing
  dysfunction where once there was none.

Lots of emotions
  to let flow, to honor.
  And then, I must start
  planning, putting everything
  in order for my family, our futures.

I will continue the healing process.
  I will live life fully, each and every moment.
  I will love fully and without abandon.
  I will rejoice in every moment, every breath.

And, I will be so profoundly grateful for
  it all.

Frolic!

How much of our lives do we
  NOT really pay attention
  to the magic in the air?

That's it, you know.
  It's magic.
  Or, so it seems.

Synchronicities abound.
  Like subatomic particles,
  appearing, dissolving, flying,
  colliding, combining, creating.

Everything we need to know.
  All that we need to grow.
  Anything we need.
  It's all there.

Sometimes,
  life grabs you,
  turns you bout face,
  demands that you look.

And in the quiet, it shows
  you the wonder, the elegance,
  the magnificence of this experiment.

So, when you hear the call, find quiet.
  Seek, behold the All in your self.
  And, frolic in the sacred dance.

Yes, frolic!  It's a gift Just for you!
  Dance, sing, laugh, witness the beauty.
  Know that you are full, whole, well, healed.

Then, feel gratitude, give thanks, offer your self
  to the deep healing needed in this world.
  Be part of the synchronicity, the hope.
  Bring light and life and love, today.   

It Was a Strange Little Journey

Walking this new path,
  Struggling to relish the gifts.
  Struggling with my own resistance
  to release the old, to embrace the new.

And suddenly,
  everything changed.
  I lay on the kitchen floor
  feeling my soul leave my body.

Several heart beats later,
  an ambulance chauffeured me
  to the hospital bed, nurses, doctors,
  tests, sleepless nights, IVs, medicine...

Upon my release, I was
  whisked to a heart surgeon,
  who set in motion the medical
  machine, tests, procedures, more tests...

Caught up in the whirlwind,
  I acquiesced, allowed the tests.
  But, something else was stirring,
  something beyond this physical plane.

It announced, 'I am done with this.'
  Its strength grew even as my body failed.
  It persisted as the fog lifted from my mind.
  It pressed forward, activated the Kundalini.

It suggested that I can heal myself.
  The physical experience was the stage
  upon which it will reveal itself and its gifts.
  I need merely to listen, witness and stop resisting.

Kundalini Healing

Something shifted.
  Like a groundswell,
  it quaked my being,
  woke me up,
  turned me bout,
  faced me forward.

It left me restless,
  knowing I'm done with
  the medical establishment.
  I'm done with the incident that
  landed me in the medical machine.

But more...
  a realization
  that I can heal myself.
  yes.

Kundalini awoke two nights ago.
  It emerged in the evening,
  and then became quiet
  until I lay to rest.

My hand, 
  resting on my abdoman,
  awoke it.

It stirred and stretched
  into my abdoman, awaking
  the organs, innervating them,
  activating chaotic motion, turbulence.

My body flushed itself,
  cleansed itself of the toxins,
  and I lay again to rest, wondering...

Several hours later,
  the Kundalini stirred again,
  exploded through my viscera,
  wrapped my abdoman in energy.

Twice, in succession, it did this,
  and then shot up my chakras to my heart,
  surrounding it, holding it, impregnating my chest
  with hot, healing, swirling, powerful, intentional energy.

I slept then, with powerful dreams,
  the remanents of which float through
  the recesses of my mind, occasssionally
  surfacing, sharing their gifts and promise.

I feel well, over the 'medical' incident.
  I feel filled with a powerful something.
  I feel profound gratitude and an attitude,
  an impatience, an excitement, an arrogance,
  a restlessness, a humble realization that my ego
  has been stimulated and is trying to claim its space.

So, into quiet I must fall.
  For this was not my ego,
  or my doing.  It was Spirit.

And, It is trying to teach me.
  Please help me to listen,
  to hear, to learn,
  what You offer.

Only to Witness and Feel

In the brutal moment
  that lasted an eternity,
  I learned what it is like
  to die...and, to die alone.

Collapsed on the floor.
  Unable to move or decide.
  Observing from the outside.

Feeling the stretching of the
  tether holding my soul to my body.
  The soul detaching; the body pulling it back.

Unable to move,
  only to witness and feel.

Does Victory Require an 'Over'?

Victory

Does victory require an 'over'?
  'Victory over...'
  'Victory over death.'

But, death isn't a foe.
  It is, like the rest of life,
  a transition from one state to the next.

Death is part of life.
  It is as fundamental as
  birth, breath, bonding, belief...

There is no need to vanquish death.
  And, celebrating 'victory over death'
  is akin to celebrating 'victory over birth'.

All is one, all is blessed.
  Death, life, death, life, transform
  from then to now, from here to there.

The victory is not in conquering.
  It is in living intentionally
  through all of it.