I AM Caring for You

Last night, I gave Spirit an ultimatum.
  'Show me my work!' I entreated.
  'Or, I shall take matters into my own hands.'

I trusted that the strength of my resolve
  shone through my words and demeanor.
  I hoped God was paying heed to my petition.

'I have designed a path forward,' I think.
  'I am walking that path.  I will continue.'
  But, I don't know that it's the path God desires.

A whisper, a friend, a stranger, a teacher
  all tell me this is not the path I am asked to walk.
  It is merely a step toward that path, and a gift for me.

I hear, over and again, that my reach for security is
  misdirected, is not how I am to use my energy.
  I am to follow my heart's (God's) desire.

So, I awaken in prayer,
  'Please God, gift me with my work.'
  'I am wasting time, every day, losing time.'

I remember a friend recently asking me if the
  possibility of financial collapse is my greatest fear.
  My response was, and is, 'No.  It is not my greatest fear.'

My greatest fear is that I will not find a way
  to give back to life, to gift my self and my talents
  to make this life a joy and a blessing for all, everyone.

I feel the press of time against my bones,
  and in the depths of my feminine physique.
  Time passes ever more quickly toward my demise.

And yet, I wait.

This morning, relinquishing my demand on Spirit,
  I tried to quiet my mind to receive wisdom and council.
  And, despite my partial success at quieting my self, Spirit spoke.

I was told to not 'take a definite position', and
  to 'refrain from criticizing the process that
  is occuring within me'. Wait...Within Me?

I hadn't considered the fact that the delay
  is because of a ripening that is occuring within me.
  Or that it isn't, in fact, a delay.  It is a process led by Spirit.

I was advised to have faith, to relax into the process,
  to gift myself with the  freedom to allow the unfolding,
  to follow Spirit's call and trust God to provide my security.

Moments later, I received a note from a loved one
  to whom I owe a debt.  He released me from the debt.
  Amid tears of gratitude and surprise, I heard Spirit remind me,

  'I AM caring for you.  Face forward.'